First let me say I am not opposed to extended nursing nor do I have anything against so called Attachment Parenting. What I am opposed to is labels, judgement and criticism, I feel the title of that article just sets us up to feel unless meet some stereotype we aren't Mom enough. Like the mother that after seeing me for I don't how many weeks at Story Time finally talked to me and confessed she felt like a bad mother because she couldn't give her 3 yr old the attention that he was used to getting before his brother came along, does that mean she isn't Mom enough or what about my friend who had to stop nursing her baby at only a few months old because she wasn't getting any support and sacrificing her own health to continue or myself who when my Son was only 3 weeks old crying in my kitchen because I was having to supplement him with formula because I wasn't producing enough breast milk to meet the requirements set out by his Dr at birth or am I less of a Mom because I have been unable to conceive another child even with the help of the Doctors, does that mean my friend who nursed her daughter till well over 4 and much to the dismay of her partner does that mean she is a better Mom then all the rest of us?
Who and what determines how good of a Mom we are, in my opinion it is our children! Are they happy? Are they healthy? Are they growing? Are they meeting their milestones? But most importantly are we happy, do we feel Mom enough? The best piece advice ever given to me is that any decision has to reflect the best interest of the child but also the Mother. If we aren't happy then the child will not be either.
I think as a society we are setting the bar so high for today's Mother to be this picture perfect Pinterest board, magazine ad Mom and that is not the reality. The reality is Mother hood is hard, it is messy and it isn't glamorous in any way!
I have been following this wonderful blog called Finding Joy she reminds me to enjoy the little things to let the mess happen because that is part of being little, to put one foot in front of the other and make time for one task off my list a day so I can feel like I accomplished something other than caring for a multitude of children ( I have 4 - 6 children in my care on any given day plus my Son) and feeding my husband. She reminds me that I am "Mom Enough" even if I did not nurse my Son past 11mths or haven't birthed multiple children that I am "Mom Enough" just the way I am with all my flaws. So take some time today read her post Dear Over Worked Mom and realize that you are the perfect Mom for your child just the way you are even if your house is a mess and your baby is bottle fed!
Well said, totally agree!! The longest I was able to breastfeed was 5 weeks, and that was our oldest. It just went down from there. I tried with our second, she was on the bottle as soon as I got home from the hospital with her (at that time we were in for almost a week). Our last one? Bottle before I even brought him home! The thing that bothers me the most about this whole 'Are you Mom enough' is how I was made to feel IN THE HOSPITAL!! Of course it's what they want you to do, and of course I wanted to, but I was in tears from the pain and I didn't even want them to bring him for feeding. How's THAT for mom enough? Each time I asked for a bottle, the nurse on duty would almost scowl and the final time, she brought what was left of a case and tossed it onto the bed without a word. I felt like a total failure. On my last day, I had a nurse who still dressed in the traditional uniform and had a great talk with her and she ended the conversation with 'Honey? If you can't you can't. Dry up and put him on the bottle. It's better for both of you'. I almost kissed her!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are SO right in your definition of what's mom enough. Are you willing to say NO when you need to? Are you willing to be a parent and not a friend? Are you willing to hug them so tight you can actually feel their heartbeat? Will you be there through thick and thin, good and bad for as long as they need you (I still need my mom!)?
I remember a few years ago, talking to a very wise priest about feeling like a crappy mom. I will always remember his words 'You are not Mary. You are not perfect. You can only be the best mother you know how to be and your kids will still see that and love you for it.' Wow. That's Mom Enough for me!
Well anyone who has seen YOU in action, Amanda, should know that you are more than Mom Enough. Seriously! You are kind are creative and genuinely care about life and those around you - some of the best qualities a mom should have!
ReplyDeleteWELL SAID PPL ALWAYS SAY TO ME WHY IS UR HOUSE SO MESSY UR HOME ALL DAY THERE IS NO EXCUSE WELLLL!!!! I HAVE 4 KIDS AND DURING THE DAY IT IS A RIGHT OFF BECAUSE HONESTLY INSTEAD OF CLEANING I AM SPENDING MY TIME WITH MY KIDS I ALSO HAD TO GIVE UP NURSING 2 WEEKS AGO DO TO MY OWN HEALTH BUT I AND MAJORITY THAT KNOW ME SAY I AM A GREAT MOM!! I SPEND ALL MY MONEY ON MY KIDS I SPEND ALL MY TIME WITH MY KIDS THEY ARE MY WORLD SO AM I BAD MOM CAUSE I DONT NURSE MY SOON TO BE 3 YEAR OLD NO!!!
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